To write or not to write ...

I've been really busy lately and haven't had an opportunity to post. Actually, there's a number of postings in my draft folder but I still can't seem to finish them. Funny the way 'block' occurs. While my ideas for some posts and my drafts increase, so too do my to-do lists and the things on them. Like all things, writing is a form that needs to be done regularly. But I'm still writing--just not posting. Still got ideas, still getting into treble, still writing, just not clicking 'post to blog.' Block never occurs in a vacuum, though. Time to take a couple of steps back, look at the situation with new eyes.

First it's interesting that I say 'block' and not 'writer's block.' Maybe it's insecurity about my status as a valid writer. Or maybe it's because I'm completely secure with my writing ability--faith in development, faith in returns--and I understand that writing is a process, which includes not only the act of writing but also the act of living. And of course, self-reflective thought. So block occurs in one's life and 'writer's block' is only one manifestation of some larger 'block'.

Again, as I sit here and self-reflect, I realize there are a lot of things I'm obsessing about. And they're all very diverse issues. Sometimes my 'work' on these issues feels like a full-time job in itself, which is interesting because then the question becomes about, "who's paying me?" God is wild. This supreme being will take you somewhere and the faith is that it will guide you, comfort you, keep you sane, keep you whole. But the trip and the journey you sign up for and head out on, makes you different, changes you so much so that the reflection you see isn't yourself, but a mixture of the person that was called and the decaying flesh of a vessle we explore that calling with. The two are one ... and the two are seperate. Each are strangers to one another, to the world, and to themself.

But the pace at which this change occurs and the ways I'm changing often make it difficult to assess--to step back and see clearly--the impact of my moves and the force of previous steps. It's a little frightening. My faith is nurtured with 'signs', messages in a true sense, where communication is occuring on a give and take basis, and isn't a case of me seeing what I want to see. But few can grasp this power of true communication with a higher being. Even I find myself questioning the source--validity, sanctity, and saneness of it all. I can only hope that given the indescribable and other-wordly power of this dialogue between God and myself, that I move forth and reach all of my unknown destinations. That I can be a faithful steward in this journey. I'll click 'post to blog' in due time. Meanwhile ... Love.