Growing Pains: Sex, Love, and Sperm to Donate.

SEX:
I've been getting the same advice for years: you're young, be with as many women as possible. People also say it's the "tried and true" way to get over an ex so I've been hearing it a lot lately. It's funny how some think sex is the panacea to our personal ills. Now c'mon, of course there's more to life than sex! Isn't there?

Here lies my dilemma. I'm craving some intimacy like a madman but I have values about sex that aren't the norm. One woman told me I'm afraid (which part of it is fear), then she dug her tiny tongue into my tonsils like a doctor gives an oral exam and fear turned to disgust. Others say "don't feel guilty", and to "just go with it", then they get their kicks and have less qualms about "moving on" then I do.

LOVE:
And so I remember love. New beginnings like the end of Swingers when Favreau finally meets Graham. You know that connection that puts you in another realm for a few minutes, each of you caught in a moment. The future is yours for the taking.


Then there's the devotion, passion, and transparency of Slater and Arquette in True Romance. There's something about that gritty "I'll stand by your ass no matter what" kind of love.


And there's the hope, humor, and spiritual connection found in Nacho Libre. Seeing as how I'm kind of like Nacho, it makes sense to desire something deeper with a beautiful woman.


Okay so I've seen too many movies. But I have a value of building something that lasts. Am I weird or naive for thinking that sex should be shared with someone you love--a life partner who will stick with you through thick and thin? I wanna hit the skins--but give me some substance!

Sex and love aside, think about some other benefits of having a loving partner. Think about the tales of older women buying a car (or having one repaired), purchasing large appliances, or searching for a home and getting the run-around. They're treated as second-rate because no man is present. It's as if being a single woman often puts you in a position to either be fodder for desire or an easy target to be taken advantage of--others belittle your womanhood if you've got no kids and no husband.


And women aren't the only ones. If a guy embraces a softer side of his humanity, then he becomes a "nice guy." He inhabits a societal role where one needs to "grow a pair" and move on like my friend insists. She might be right about moving on but it's also a nice reminder of how critical theories (like feminism) rarely translate well in practice. Guys who fit the "nice guy label" usually don't fly by societal norms of masculinity, and people have no problem reminding the world how completely out of their element they really are. And where the hell is that community that collapses dual natures and embraces the rich spectrum of our humanity!?

SPERM TO DONATE:
Naturally a post about sex and love and "growing a pair" would inevitably lead to baby-making. Someone called me an old soul again the other day, so I wasn't surprised how dumbfounded I was when a friend asked if I'd consider donating sperm (can someone say, No Country for Old Men?).

I've always thought of having children the old-fashioned way, but never really entertained the thought of having a child without love--not to mention without sex--for very long. But what about being a donor to a needy couple or even a private donor to a loving friend.

We started talking about all the possibilities of raising the child together with the parents--old-school Nino & Nina status. And then he said, "what would you tell your future partner though?" I answered, "It's not like I'd sleep with her physically, so what would it matter?" Funny the complexities of our values, eh?

So yea, as of now if the right person asks me, I'd give 'em some offspring--if they'd let me play a supportive role in raising the child. But consider the protocol for becoming a donor. I have better chances becoming a triathelete!

The whole process really gets one thinking about health, lifestyle, family background, and even physique. It's dating on steroids because the goal of sex (or masturbation) is to reproduce and not for sexual gratification--and high grade baby batter depends on a lot of factors.

Don't know if I'd be a potential donor, but our thought experiment got me thinking about my health (eating right and exercise) and lifestyle (drinking and smoking for example) and life choices like my career and daily habits. Once a family comes into mind, sex with someone you don't love feels more second-rate then being a "nice guy."

And in terms of the money garnered from sperm donation, there's alternative ways to earn a buck or market oneself.